The Dangers of Daydreaming
When Do Our Daydreams Go Too Far?
BY ALLIE PARKER
Picture this: you’re in lecture, slouched in your chair as you stare at the ceiling with your mouth agape, about ready to drool. Any classmate that notices you may think your head is empty, but unbeknownst to them, you are painting an elaborate picture in your mind. Thoughts swim freely through your head, from what you will eat for lunch that day to the adventures you will have traveling the world a few years down the line. In our own heads, the possibilities are endless. However, is it possible that our daydreams can be dangerous for our mental health? Is it possible that they can go too far when we dream of expectations that don’t end up matching our reality?
Experts estimate that we spend about 47% of our waking hours in a daydream; any moment we let our mind wander from the present moment is a daydream. Daydreams are incredibly powerful, as they are tools with which we can create our wildest fantasies. When we’re sleeping, our minds do something similar: we craft whimsical worlds where we fly through clouds, or become a character in our favorite book series, or maybe even go on a date with a celebrity crush. When we wake up from these glamorous dreams, we sometimes feel disappointed that the events we experienced aren’t real. That’s okay, though, because most of the time the things we dream about are so abstract and fantastical that they aren’t actually attainable.
Though with daydreams, it’s a different story. I find that my deepest daydreams consist of ideas about my future and things that are actually attainable. I dream of what future career I may have, what my future partner will be like, where I will live, and what travels I might venture on. I get anxious knowing that these ideas aren’t just dreams, and that the only thing separating me from obtaining them is taking the right steps to get there. What if I mess up? Or what if I choose a path for my future and then later on realize I’ve chosen the wrong one? If my own mind didn’t present every possible option to me via daydreams, maybe I wouldn’t be so indecisive about every little life decision I make.
Daydreams can also affect our interactions with others. Many times, we think of others in our daydreams through a process called social daydreaming. A study published in Cognition and Emotion found that social daydreaming is healthy, as it helps with feelings of loneliness and can actually strengthen our relationships with friends, family, and partners. Like other daydreams though, it can be disheartening when reality does not precisely mirror our dreams, particularly with romantic relationships. I can’t be the only one who’s seen someone cute in a coffee shop and then planned out my whole life with them in a matter of minutes, only to then disappoint myself when I realize there is absolutely no chance of our happily-ever-after happening. Our brains are the best illusionists, allowing us to easily get ahead of ourselves. The circumstance of ‘rose colored glasses’ in relationships ties very closely with this; our daydreams may lead us to the somewhat cliché, but all too common, situation of liking the idea of someone rather than actually liking someone for who they are.
Our brains are an infinite battle between daydreaming and living in the present, although a healthy balance between the two is important. Society puts a lot of pressure on us to ‘live in the moment,’ but we shouldn’t feel guilty for taking a step back from reality for bits of time to reflect through our daydreams. In fact, Everyday Health claims that daydreaming is incredibly healthy, and doing it mindfully is a great destresser. At the same time, we have to ensure we don’t get stuck in our heads. This can be a challenge–-it’s hard to live in the moment when our minds are a powerful tool that shows us the perfect image of what our lives could be. We must not beat ourselves up when our real life events do not equate to everything we daydreamed about. “When you love what you have, you have everything you need”, as my favorite quote states. Through this lens, it’s important to recognize that although daydreaming allows us to be creative in our thoughts and plans, we should also be grateful for the current moment we are in—that’s all we’ve really got.
Sources
https://www.sleepfoundation.org/mental-health/maladaptive-daydreaming
https://www.psypost.org/2015/08/daydream-believers-social-daydreaming-can-alleviate-loneliness-study-finds-36568#:~:text=Social%20daydreamers%20showed%20heightened%20feelings,interact%20with%20others%20after%20daydreaming
https://www.everydayhealth.com/emotional-health/positive-negative-effects-daydreaming/