STEM Major Confesses: ‘I Really Do Think My Major is Superior’

“I’m just being honest.”

By: Tosin Faseemo

Last Thursday, students on the main level of Memorial Union were shocked and offended by the comments of Steve Newberg, a third-year engineering major. “It’s not like I have anything against CLA kids, I just don’t think their majors provide any long-term employment options. I mean, what skills does an English major provide?” Witnesses report that Maurice Leon, a nearby English major, was quick to respond. “Actually, my major gives me a variety of skills that are highly sought-after within the workforce, such as an ability to analyze writing, synthesize information, and effectively communicate ideas.”

Despite this logical  response, Newberg refused to change his stance. He clarified his previous statements, claiming “hard sciences are just more profitable than liberal arts. That’s an undeniable fact.” His words incited a large mob of well-meaning liberal arts students, extending from the interior of Memorial Union to the front of Vincent Hall. According to eyewitness Michaela Elliot, “a bunch of people followed him to his next class while simultaneously trying to explain why their majors were just as valuable as his. The theater majors even broke out in song and dance. It was impressive, honestly.”

Other STEM majors defended Newberg’s comments. Callie Jones, a computer science major agreed with his sentiments. “The future is going to be heavily reliant on coding and artificial intelligence. Let’s face it, no company is gonna hire a philosophy major to build a robot.” The incident sparked a hashtag, #CLASoWorthIt, as well as a campus-wide email from President Kaler titled “In Support of Liberal Arts.” When reached for comment, Newberg’s only remark was, “Hey, at least I’m not in Carlson.”