How to Love Yourself
Take this time during quarantine to connect with the person you see the most in your life and judge the harshest—yourself.
By Isabel Teitelbaum
I’ve been stuck in my hometown—Duluth, MN—ever since the stay at home order was put in place. Spending every day at home has forced me to become a minimalist. I no longer spend time thinking about what to wear, as I only have the backpack full of clothes that I came home with. Free from the burden of social norms and expectation, I spend my days engaging my mind with creative ideas.
Loving myself under quarantine has had its perks and its drawbacks. Being stuck at home all day makes it easy for me to focus on things such as eating, the lack in exercise, or how when I try to be productive, I’m quickly redirected by another Netflix documentary. However, it’s also shown me that it’s okay to take days for myself where I do nothing but focus on passion projects. I consider writing to be my “soul food.”
Poetry has always been a creative outlet for me. I turn to it most in times of great pain or passion. It’s a very effective way of transferring strong emotions and thoughts onto a page and out of my head. If I allow myself to give an issue my entire focus and attempt to create something out of it, it’s less likely to wreak havoc in my mind. It also feels extremely satisfying to use the creative side of my brain.
It’s hard to stay productive everyday. Social media feeds my boredom but still manages to give me anxiety about not being active enough during quarantine. One of the greatest threats to appreciating yourself is constantly comparing yourself to others. I’ve noticed people who are the happiest are those who authentically present themselves and don’t try to imitate someone else’s identity.
Authenticity will set you free. Being able to accept your emotions, positive or negative, aids your ability to be authentic. One habit I’ve worked hard to break is shaming myself for the emotions I have. In the past, I have tried to ignore or deny what I was feeling, only to have it put me in a sour mood and then later bubble up more intensely than before. Speaking your mind and saying “no” when needed are two important parts of validating yourself. Pretending will only hurt you in the long run.
Surrounding myself with supportive people helps create a positive mentality. It’s hard not to mirror what is reflected back at you from other people, so it helps to have a good mirror. The people I choose to surround myself with also greatly influence my perspectives and introduce me to new ways of thinking. It can be difficult when I’m trying to be healthy and take good care of myself to then have people pressure me into unhealthy behaviors, dragging me into their own indulgences. I’ve had people make me feel bad for working out before, even though it’s something important to me that I do for my mental health. It can feel as if people think I’m being snooty; as if caring about my physical health means I believe I’m above others.
Engaging in self-love is not an act of narcissism.
I know it sounds cheesy, but I’ve started thanking my body after every workout. We get in the habit of being physically and mentally judgmental towards our bodies as we expect so much from them. It’s important to recognize the feats our bodies accomplish, not just the limitations. I’ve stopped working out for how I look and instead work out for how I feel. While at home, I’ve stopped stressing out about exercising, stopped planning what to eat during the day, and gained a little weight along with a new perspective on the balance between mental and physical health.
Self-love comes easiest when taking into account what my body and mind need to be their healthiest. Eating healthy and getting outside regularly helps me feel energetic and like a better version of myself. That being said, before quarantine, I was going to the gym regularly, angry at myself when I couldn’t muster up the energy to go, then spending half my time stressing about what to eat. I love exercising, but now I make sure to use it as an expression of my body’s abilities rather than punishment for eating sweets.
There’s no single trick or cure-all to loving yourself—it takes a lot of exploration. I'm continuously adapting to find new ways of encouraging and appreciating myself. Things that work for me may not be compatible with what you personally need. One thing I want to stress is that no one knows you better than you do. You know what’s best for you. You know what makes you happy. You know how to love yourself, so just have patience. Give yourself the same care and acceptance you give to your friends.