Grill Gracie
Gracie’s Experimental Commentary
BY GRACIE KIBORT WITH ART BY NATALIE WILLIAMS
Gracie, I have a friend who is hot and cold, and I don’t know how to tell her that her inconsistency hurts. My current plan is to distance myself from her.
Sincerely, not Katy Perry.
Dear Not Katy Perry,
First, let me offer you my apologies if she hasn’t given them. Life is inconsistent, and although it often is, friendship shouldn’t have to be. It is not about you—interactions with a friend can feel very personal, and no one can help what they take personally or not. Nevertheless, her using you as a non-consensual punching bag isn’t fair, as it certainly shouldn’t be a reflection of your friendship. You can venture down two paths—conversation or distance. If you choose to distance yourself from her, which is more than fair, you might find yourself missing your friend later on. You might wonder what could’ve been if you talked it out. Your other option is to talk to her about how her temperament changes make you feel. Real friends listen and react accordingly. They don’t gaslight you or deflect your criticism. If you bring your concerns to the conversation and HotNCold reacts poorly, you have your answer.
Gracie, I’ve got a fat crush on this guy and want to make a move, but he is also the sweetest person ever, and I think a great friendship could happen instead…what do I do?
Sincerely, Friend-zoned
Dear friend-zoned,
I’m a rom-com fanatic. The RCF in me wants to tell you to go for it because it might just be the best thing you didn’t know you needed. What can I say—I love a friends-to-lovers trope. I want you to honestly answer this question: What’s the worst that could happen? If you do take the chance and it doesn’t work out, remember that rejection is redirection. It stings unlike anything else, but if someone is viewing you as a ‘maybe’ or even a second-best, they aren’t worth your time. You deserve to be a f*ck yes, and you will find someone who feels that way. Friend-zoned, I say, go for it! Even if it doesn’t work out, it might make a good story.
Gracie, how do I get rid of my anxiety? It is so bad and uncontrollable! Help!
Sincerely, Anxious
Dear Anxious,
I am not a doctor—I’m 21 and barely getting through college, although I have a bit of wisdom I can spare. Recently, I’ve concluded that my anxiety could not be cured. I grappled with the idea of acceptance. It’s just another part of my life that requires thought and energy, a fact of my existence. I used to believe that I constantly had to be pushing myself out of my comfort zone to combat my anxiety, but I no longer feel that to be true. It’s great practice to continue to propel yourself, but I’ve learned that it is okay to make situations more palatable. Find peace in what’s comfortable. Going to the party only for an hour, or simply not going at all because I do not want to. Running through my parking garage even if I look a little crazed because today is the day someone will finally kidnap me. Sometimes I tell the anxious voice in my head, “Okay girl you’ve gotten more than enough air time today. That’s enough outta you.”
Gracie, help! Time is moving too fast! I cannot keep up!
Sincerely, AHHH
AHHH, I feel your sentiment so deeply. I’m going to keep it short and sweet—time is not going to slow down for any of us, so do what you can to make each day a little special, even if it is so tiny, minute and minuscule. Get a journal and write the highlights of each day or week, take silly photos of your friends, and continue to ground yourself for a bit each day, even for a second. Blast the song in the car with your friends and scream! Make the routine romantic. All any of us can do is make memories and make ourselves proud.