The Executive Ranking of the University of Minnesota Dorms
All placements are final
By: Marie Ronnander
Like many incoming freshmen, I had no clue what dorm to choose when I filled out my housing questionnaire. I relied solely on the suggestions of other websites and listed my preferences in the order they provided. However, after a year of living in the Cities, I decided to make a new-and-improved ranking going from worst to best.
9. Middlebrook
I’m so sorry Middlebrookians, but you know as well as I do that this was a long time coming. Not only is this place inconvenient to get to, but it’s also the building equivalent of watching paint dry. I will say the people make it livable, so do not fret if you’ve been placed in this Azkaban of the University of Minnesota (at least everyone there is a Ravenclaw!!).
8. Comstock
I will take the time to commend the amazing dining at Comstock, but it’s not enough to make up for the look. The tiny staircases give me nauseating flashbacks to high school that I just don’t need. It also smells like old crayons, but hey maybe they’re really into arts and crafts. I can never hate coloring.
7. Territorial Hall
I don’t know, the whole “territory” aspect is a little too dog-and-fire-hydrant to me (pardon the image this creates). I do like the cute little nickname T-hall, and the rooms have actual thermostats which, as a Bailey resident, seems very technologically advanced. Personally, we have water boilers that have caused flooding and a very large electrical bill dedicated to space-heaters. But Bailey still is fourth because it’s so much prettier. Also, I need a win.
6. Frontier
I’ll be honest, Territorial and Frontier are the exact same building in my brain. I just like the idea of a dorm being a frontier a little more. I think of Ice Age any time I hear about it and cannot help picturing Sid the sloth sleeping in a dorm room with the possum twins. I don’t know where this association came from, but it’s there and it fits.
5. Centennial
This place is straight out of The Shining and I absolutely love it. It’s 100% haunted and every time I’m in there I end up getting a little lost in the terrifyingly endless hallways. Something is also to be said about the painted white furniture, it’s very dainty. Always feels like I’m attending a ghostly tea party over on the East Bank.
4. Bailey
I do, in fact, live at Bailey so this is potentially, maybe, slightly biased. We’ve all trauma-bonded from being isolated from everyone else. Truly a community like no other. Anyways, I genuinely love the quiet of Bailey Hall and the neighborhood surrounding it. There’s access to one of the best restaurants in the Cities (I’ll never stop shouting out to Mim’s) and we have Taco Tuesdays. The only downfall is the 20-minute bus rides that may or may not get you to class on time, but that’s the fun of adventure.
3. 17th
Out of the complete bitterness I have towards the people lucky enough to live in 17th, I was planning to put it in 8th place. However, I am a reasonable person. It looks like Disney’s million-dollar idea of what a college dorm looks like in the next hit show they’re shooting. Except the building was definitely more than one million dollars. It’s annoying. They should be forced to pay more. But they have yummy salads I guess.
2. Pioneer
Honestly imagine being able to say you lived in Pioneer Hall. You’d sound like some modern-day pirate just swashbuckling through college. Is this adventurous, rugged name my main reason for loving Pioneer? Yes. Is the fact that they’re literally connected to a giant food hub that has late-night meals another? Yes.
1. Sanford Hall
The immediate backlash I will no doubt receive for this placement is Sanford’s lack of air conditioning. However, being a person who grew up without said appliance (my dad said it built character) I personally have no qualms with this. The building has a spunky 70s vibe with every room being shaped just a little out of the ordinary. And, even though the building is right next to Dinkytown, it still has its own adorable mini-mart in it. Like, come on. True love.