The Search For the One
Why Do We Feel Pressured to Find Our Long-Term Partners in College?
By Rachel Hoppe with art by Alex Kozak
From a very young age, I have been surrounded by people with an open and unapologetic love for everyone in their lives – namely their life partners. It is a beautiful gift to grow up surrounded by healthy and loving relationships. It gave me a realistic outlook on what I want my future relationships to look like.
That said, there are many high school and college sweethearts in my family. My grandma started dating my grandfather during her sophomore year of high school, and while my grandfather passed away 20 years ago, I can still feel how much they loved each other through my grandmother’s stories. My eldest cousin started dating her husband when she was 14 years old. Many others in my family have similar beginnings to their relationships. This, for better or worse, provided me with an unrealistic timeline for my life.
My family never put pressure on me to find a partner. However, from mere observation, I’ve put an immense amount of pressure on myself to find the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with by the ripe age of 22. How can I not when so many TV shows and movies depict a couple falling madly in love in their late teens and/or early twenties?
There’s an unspoken understanding that many students go to college not only to earn a degree and transition into adulthood but also to find a spouse or life-long partner. As a result, I set the expectation for myself, and other college students, to fall in love the minute they move into the dorms.
In my experience, this led me to rush into the few relationships I’ve had and leave my heart unguarded. At times I operate under the assumption that to have a successful college experience I need a partner at every step of the way. Obviously, this isn’t true but when an idea is ingrained so deeply in you it’s hard to abandon it.
Falling in love is an inherently beautiful experience, and it’s one that I can’t wait to experience again. I believe humans were made to love and be loved – but there isn’t one timeline we should all be following. It’s not realistic to assume that just because those around you found their life partners at a young age, you will too. We’re all creating our own paths and there’s no guidebook on when we should check boxes off – or even if there are boxes to be checked at all.
As college students, we’re all still trying to figure out our lives. Many of us are still exploring our interests to figure out our career aspirations. On top of that we’re told college is a time to find your lifelong friends. Between academics, internships, friendships and romantic relationships, it’s a lot to juggle.
Instead of looking at college as a list of mandatory experiences we need to check off, I try to think of it as a journey. I may find my life partner while I’m here, or I may find them later in life. That doesn’t determine the quality of my college experience.
Life is meant to be experienced without societal timelines and expectations. I’m a firm believer in fate and that you meet people exactly when you’re meant to meet them. Reminding myself of this makes it easier for me to embrace other aspects of my life aside from finding a long-term partner.