At Home Yet Again
Snuggled up in bed with my laptop for company, as FOMO creeps in
By Natasha Delion with art by Sana Ikramuddin
College can feel like the only years you have to actually enjoy being alive. It’s a time where you can live carefree and not feel tied down by the responsibilities of being an adult.
On the other hand, this time period is accompanied by the stress that comes with having four midterms in one week or three essays due on the same night. Most of the time, the stress is not counterbalanced by the limited time you get to have fun.
I struggled with the fear of missing out, FOMO, pretty much every week last year. Having to stay in and study while all of your friends are hanging out is not a good feeling, but the amount of work I needed to do felt never ending. FOMO is a roller coaster and it manifested for me in the following four stages: fear, resentment, guilt, and acceptance.
One aspect of FOMO is quite literally in its name: Fear. With fear came a variety of thoughts that reflected negatively on myself. I was afraid that some type of deep bonding would occur the one time I wasn’t there and that all my friends would get closer and leave me behind. Consequently, I would often think that my friends just didn’t want to hang out with me or that I wasn’t fun to be around. I feared loneliness and bitterness. I didn’t want to be the girl who sat alone and upset in her room every weekend. These fears soon turned into resentment.
Resentment is a hard emotion because you feel so angry at everything and everyone. I felt a lot of resentment towards my friends when they were having fun and I was sitting at home studying for hours on end. I didn’t want to accept that I had to feel miserable and they could have fun, but it was not their fault. Then I started resenting myself for being in this position in the first place and the universe for making my life so hard. It led me to believe that everybody and everything else were responsible for the way I was feeling, even though that makes absolutely no sense. I just didn’t want to accept the reason I was feeling this way was my own fault. Soon enough, I felt guilty for all the resentment I was carrying with me.
I blamed myself for my FOMO. I felt guilty for not going out and not spending time with my friends, even though it wasn’t something I had control over. I hated that I blamed my friends for the way I felt and soon internalized that blame. I was so down on myself for even thinking about those things. Guilt is such a strong emotion because it makes you feel like you’re doing something wrong even if it’s beneficial. Whenever I would say “no” to hanging out because I needed self-care time or I wasn’t feeling the best, I felt extremely guilty. I was lucky enough to have friends that understood that it wasn’t anything personal. They were more supportive than anything and always made sure to invite me the next time they made plans despite however many times I refused.
As I’ve gone through my own healing journey, I’ve learned to accept my FOMO. I’ve come to the realization that spending time alone can be extremely valuable, even if it doesn’t feel like it at first. My friends never forgot about me and everything was the same as it always was. There is so much irrational fear that comes with it and it almost always works out in the end.
The time spent alone serves as a way to recharge, practice self-care, learn more about yourself or maybe even pick up a new hobby. You start to feel more secure in your friendships and in the relationship with yourself. You no longer need to worry about being left behind because you know that you’ll always have yourself to lean on.
Accepting your FOMO is not easy and most definitely does not happen overnight. I don’t think I intentionally accepted it or even set out to do so, but once you reach that point, life becomes peaceful.