The Dating App Dilemma

What is the true purpose of these hellscapes?

By George Faseemo

You’re on a dating app. After scrolling for a while, you notice something strange. Past the unfunny jokes and lazy sexual innuendos, you find a fatal error: someone has decided to try to reach across the vast expanse of loneliness that so many are swallowed in (see: Loneliness Crisis), and has, seriously and unironically, tried find someone to spend their lives with. This is a massive mistake.

This is not the purpose of dating apps. Some would propose that they’re obviously for cheap hookups and underwhelming flings, but that’s not entirely accurate either. To understand the true nature of these apps we have to look deeper at what they fundamentally are.

Dating apps are, unsurprisingly, programs. But this obvious fact is actually quite crucial: the logical structure of these programs necessitates the gamification of dating—embracing the game theory that shapes countless academic fields. In this, a person—well, a user— must try to maximize the attractiveness of their profile, and swipe right on people who have a similar (imagined) attractiveness level. So, if you’re trying to maximize the utility of your dating app and view yourself as a 6, you’ll try to like other 6’s. This is, without question, the most effective way to navigate dating apps, and is also, without question, pretty gross. It’s all the same language and philosophy of the sleazy guys of our collective past: the type of guy who views dating as a marketplace and sex as a reward—the Barney Stinsons of our media.

This isn’t supposed to be an indictment of dating apps. Much like in non-dating app dating (also commonly referred to as “dating”), we can all choose who we interact with—who we try to create romantic bonds with, and in what ways we want to approach building those connections. In my view, there’s no ordained “right way” to do these things. While the actual apps for dating are based on a deeply cynical logic, they have the ability to birth genuine connections and life-long relationships. Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide whether you want to be a Barney or a Ted. Or maybe a third, better thing—Ted sucks too.