The Fence Is Still Standing, And So Am I

Speaking up about suicide

Anonymous

Content Warning: This article contains discussions of suicide, psychiatric hospitalization, and mental health topics

What do you know about the chain link fence on the Washington Avenue Bridge? Where did you learn this, and who do you feel comfortable talking about it with? Suicide is a painful subject, but holding space to confront it allows us to learn how to protect ourselves and our loved ones in the face of a mental health crisis.

Information as Suicide Prevention

The stigma around suicide is not only only rooted in individual shame, but also the fact that discussions about suicide are widely taboo. As an unintended consequence, conversations about risk reduction and safety resources are also avoided. This leaves individuals experiencing suicidal thoughts unaware of their options for help and supportive loved ones feeling powerless. Because of this, I will be sharing my own story in the hope that helpful knowledge can be gained without others having to experience what I did.

What Happens When Someone Climbs Over The Fence?

In late July I climbed over the chain link fence on the Washington Avenue Bridge with the intention of attempting suicide. I decided not to, and after about an hour of sitting on the concrete, a passing cyclist called the police on me. The officer gave me two options: go to the hospital voluntarily or go involuntarily. I chose to go “voluntarily” because he said it would be easier. He told me I would probably be at the Fairview ER for just a few hours before going home. This was a lie.

I waited for three hours before anyone met with me. After spending the entire day at the hospital, I was transported to an inpatient facility in the middle of the night. I spent six days there. During this time, I met with psychiatrists, therapists, and caseworkers as I acclimated to a new medication. I felt lucky because the other patients were kind and friendly. We sat around in our scrubs and grippy socks, watching movies, sharing our interests, and talking about what we’d eat when we got out. Still, my days had some lingering anxiety. Because I was brought in unexpectedly, I didn’t know how to leave or what would happen when I got out.

I later learned that truly voluntary patients are allowed to choose when they leave. However, if they have to sign to go “AMA,” or against medical advice, to leave before the facility deems them ready. Even though I was admitted voluntarily, given the nature of my case, I would have been held if I attempted to leave AMA. Involuntary patients are held for 72 hours. Getting out entails enrollment in either outpatient treatment or frequent therapy sessions.

Options For Help

Crisis support isn’t one-size-fits-all. If you think inpatient treatment might be helpful for you, you should do research and try to be admitted in a way that is truly voluntary. However, nobody is obligated to pursue hospitalization. Leaning on trusted people in your life can be another way to receive support. Asking for help doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be as simple as saying “Hey, can I come over and lay on your couch?”. Speaking with a therapist, counselor, or psychiatrist is a more formal option, and UMN students have access to affordable care through Boynton. Remember you don’t have to be a certain level of unwell to deserve help. One sign that you may need more support is if you’re repeatedly calling crisis lines, such as 988 or UMN’s contracted line, (612) 301-4673. Throughout this, remember you’re in control of your health and don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.

Supporting Loved Ones

My main advice is this: don’t mind your business. Don’t be afraid to ask how someone is doing and don’t assume you’re not needed. However, remember you’re a supporter, not a savior—take care of yourself. You’re not expected to save a life, just show you care. The only hard and fast rule I have is to not strip them of autonomy through involuntary hospitalization. Unfortunately, there is no one “best” thing for you to do—you have to use your personal judgment. Social psychologist Dr Devon Price’s Substack article “Supporting the Suicidal No Matter What” provides examples of what you can do, such as providing company, offering distractions, or helping meet material needs. Read the situation and trust yourself. It’s not easy, but your best is all you can give.

Talking about suicide is complicated, but we can’t let the fear of saying the wrong thing keep us from saying anything at all. Whether it’s asking for help or checking in on a loved one, break the silence. Everyone is capable of making a difference.

Suicide & Crisis Lifeline - 988

UMN Crisis Line - 612-301-4673

The Trevor Project - 212-695-8650

Trans Lifeline - 877-565-8860