Love Notes in Lockers

Middle School Notes are equal to DMs?

By Macie Rasmussen

I sit on my bed and wonder, as usual, “Why is vulnerability so difficult?” “Why is making your crush privy to your affection terrifying?” It’s hard for everyone, sure, but especially for me. I’m particularly dreadful at it, and here’s my prediction as to why:

I remember the day like it was yesterday. I had a plan, of course. I watched my peers file out of the hallways after school, and like a scribe, I spilled my heart out onto that wide-ruled piece of notebook paper. The ink, destined for my 6th-grade crush, described how I liked him. “Like” is a funny word with a myriad of meanings, but to my 12-year-old mind, it felt like the most thrilling confession of my life.

I have no idea how I knew which locker was his.  As I strutted down the empty hallway, adrenaline rushed through my veins. Debating once again, I stood in front of the blue locker, paper in my hand, and knew there was no going back now. I gracefully slid that slip of vulnerability into the crack. I don’t know if I ran back down the hallway, but I can picture myself doing just that.

The next day provoked anxiety. If I recall correctly, I saw my crush open his locker and the note fall out. I can’t say for sure because I’m sure my premature brain may have blocked out that dramatic scene. Throughout the day, I discovered he told everyone as if it was a funny story to be shared. Quickly, my hope for a romantic connection turned into embarrassment. It’s unsettling to recognize that the all too familiar feeling of disappointment began in middle school, and the regret of idealism continued on to the present.

And that’s when I swore I would never be vulnerable again. Haha—just kidding. Unless….