Motherhood: the gift that keeps on giving?

Why being a mom is scary

By: Alessandra Benitez

When I think of the worst paid, most demanding job in the world, I think of motherhood. This might sound like an exaggeration, but is it? I grew up with a full-time mom, her life revolving around getting me to school, feeding me, and making sure that I remained healthy. And boy, did I make it hard for her. Thinking about motherhood, I don’t understand what’s so good about it. Kids are a lot: they’re smelly, sticky, and loud, and when they grow up, those problems turn into new ones. Toddlers throw tantrums in grocery stores, teenagers talk back… So, why would anyone willingly go through it?

I don’t mean to demonize kids, but I must admit that the idea of motherhood makes me anxious. To have someone’s life depend on you, with not only their physical health to look out for, but also their mental health? No, thanks. When I think about my relationship with my mother, I’m overwhelmed by the array of emotions that it evokes in me. Relationships with our mothers are the first we go through and often the ones that will set the tone for all of the relationships that we partake in. A mother can give you the best years of your life and also break your heart, making you the happiest or saddest person that you’ll ever be. I might be exaggerating, but I believe that motherhood is a high-stakes game that no woman has won. 

Of course, relationships with fathers are just as important, but men don’t get demonized for their flaws, do they? The romanticization that comes with the role of a mother is another extension of the patriarchal society we live in. The first time that I told my mom that I would never have kids, she laughed and said, “I said the same thing when I was your age, and look at me now.” Women are expected to have kids and pitied if they don’t, regardless of the reasons. This might sound scornful, but I resent the fact that men are able to be hesitant about parenthood while women must always be ready for it. 

The truth is that no one is born a parent. But women are expected to be nurturing and helpful (qualities commonly attributed to mothers). Women are only human after all, free to make as many mistakes as they’d like. But what happens when those mistakes affect the human beings who depend on you? This is the truth about motherhood, the power and ability to screw up a life that is bestowed upon you the minute you become a mother. And who wouldn’t be terrified of that?