Unpopular Opinion: Movember

No-Shave November is the hottest month of the year...

By Sophie Tiahnybik

As mustaches start to grow, so do my crushes on them! Welcome to November, the happy home to Thanksgiving and mustaches. Nothing is more special than some sweet potato stuck in a mustache at the dinner table, am I right? Debatable for sure. An unpopular opinion of mine is that mustaches are the most beautiful thing a man can accessorize his outfit with, making November, or Movember (what the cool kids participating in  #noshavenovember call it), the hottest month of the year. For those who can grow facial hair, it’s the month when they have an excuse to finally grow out those struggling and scraggly hairs underneath their noses. I recently learned that No-Shave November is a campaign for a charity and has resulted in change. People are asked to grow out their hair (which many cancer patients lose) and donate the money they would normally spend on grooming products to cancer related charities, such as St. Jude. Others are encouraged to participate by not shaving their armpits, legs, toes, etc. I had thought this was just a glorious month where the majority of the world had a mustache for no reason. 

So as this time rolls around again, I began to wonder how these furry little caterpillars on men’s faces make them instantly more intriguing and inherently sexier. They have been seen as unfavorable in the eyes of the public for so long. Often reminding people of pedophiles, the stereotypical porn producers of the 80s, and of course Adolf Hitler... So if many of these things have negative connotations, WHY, OH WHY, DO I FIND THEM HOT? 

Tale as old as time, stache as old as rhyme, many people have found men to be more attractive when they have some stubble, as opposed to a clean face. However, I think that boys with mustaches have dedicated themselves a little bit more than those who have the classic afternoon shadow. There is something about the definition to their face, that old timey feel, that always makes my heart swoon. As Ariana Grande sang, “I want to say we’re going steady... like it's 1954.” 

Maybe she wrote that line about her then boyfriend, Pete Davidson, someone who has perfected the “scumbro” look, often with a straggly mustache that looks like his first ever mustache. The “scumbro” aesthetic, where Adidas and Nike meet Patagonia and the remnants of bad hygiene, was made popular by Jonah Hill, Justin Bieber, and of course, Pete Davidson. This is my favorite aesthetic. There is something so perfect about the maximalist nature of their style with a scraggly mustache as the cherry on top. 

Besides a straggly scumbro mustache, mustaches come in a slew of shapes and sizes, all with equally interesting names. There is the walrus, a thick curtain that drapes over the top lip, with the subtle resembling the whiskers of a walrus. They are poofy, a statement piece, and definitely not for the faint of heart. 

Then there’s the perky pencil mustache. They are thin like a pencil, but have the integrity of a quill. They can make any man look like they are in an old time French film, or you are a Marine shipping off to sea during the First World War. They have the power to elevate a man’s aesthetic to something much more regal. 

You’ve definitely seen these at your local coffee shop or a craft brewery. Hold onto your scarves, hipsters! It's the handlebar mustache! They are curled up, they swirl around, and they always remind me of Mario’s counterpart, Luigi. 

Giddy up for the cowboy mustaches because they are mighty special. They are thicc with multiple cs, they probably have some crumbs in them, and you better believe that Ron Swanson has the best one. Yeehaw! 

Mustaches give boys an outlet to be creative and add some accessories to their look. It’s a special feature that is unique to them. They might have a few negative connotations, but it is clear they are making a hefty comeback. This trend is redefining what had been determined in the past, and adding a key element to men’s style that has been around forever. Whether it’s a pencil or a walrus, I am here for it all this Movember.