A Literal Crime of Passion
It’s all fun and games until somebody gets a restraining order.
By Sammi DiVito
It’s easy to fall victim to the lure of fictional romance. Our TV screens are filled with starry-eyed, besotted couples who spend a season slowly but systematically falling in love. There are thousands of novels dedicated to the tales of head-over-heels sweethearts, the pages overflowing with their fairytale encounters. These imaginary couples slip each other notes so poetic Shakespeare would cry; they arrive at each other’s doorsteps with arms full of wildflowers. They stalk the other as they continue unknowingly throughout their day; they break into each other’s homes to watch their beloved sleep at night and smell their dirty laundry. Cue the wedding bells.
Popular culture has deemed certain behaviors “okay” for the sake of a romantic plotline. While most of these things make impressionable teenage girls swoon, a closer inspection would reveal that a lot of these normalized practices are psychotic, and should not be considered standard. “Twilight” is the pinnacle example of romanticizing creepy acts and justifying them as love lust. Back in 2008, after the book series was published, a pasty Edward Cullen graced our screens, showing his undying affection for Bella Swan in the form of un-blinking stares, random appearances in her bedroom, and insisting on knowing where she was at all times. The tyrannical nature of their relationship was overlooked and made into four more movies—after all, they cared for each other (and were vampires, so...). These movies seemed to open some dark societal floodgates, because suddenly domineering, emotionally distant partners were considered the new sexy.
Admittedly, back in middle school and high school, I found this behavior charming (enough so that I hung up a Twilight poster I ripped out of an issue of Teen Vogue). I mistook bossy male characters as “manly” and “confident.” But I was young and had no grasp on what constituted appropriate behavior. I gathered my knowledge from the Internet, books, and TV, which were constantly feeding me distorted ideas about right and wrong ways to act. At the end of the day, a crime of passion is still a crime, regardless of how handsome the perpetrator is. Stalking, harassment, and coercion are illegal and punishable by law. They were not written into state legislature because the government thought it made for erotic storytelling, but because it is condemnable behavior deemed worthy of punishment.
A lot of this romanticized creepiness is potentially rooted in pre-existing gender norms and inequality issues. For decades, men have been expected to be assertive, independent, and achievement-orientated, often risking public disdain if they violate these gender roles. Meanwhile, women have unfortunately been seen as interdependent, weaker, and inferior to men in many other aspects. As a result, love stories with controlling characters are often flippantly excused as “dudes being dudes,” or seen as one character deciding that they know what’s best for the other. Younger audiences who are taught to view this behavior as appropriate run the risk of allowing it to happen in their own lives, especially if they think it’s the norm.
Of course, that’s not to say these plotlines can’t occasionally be used as a source of entertainment. Take the Netflix series “You,” about an obsessive bookstore manager who falls in love with a writer. He stalks her, inserts himself into her life, manipulates her and her friends, and often resorts to bouts of violence. It’s an outlandish, extremely dramatized story, where the viewer gets to watch his all-consuming passion slowly unravel him to a breaking point. But that’s all it is, a story, and it should not be taken as anything more. Being able to draw a distinction between fictitious, unsuitable behavior and ethical human interactions is the key to moving forward. Romance should be expressed in a way that ensures both people always feel safe.
After all, we are lovesick, romantic creatures who enjoy stories about relationships and longing—but we are not to be manipulated or controlled. Even if we’re vampires.