Dear Reader: “Cinderella”
A former thespian’s take on the butchering of the timeless tale of “Cinderella.”
By: Vern Nowakowski
“Cinderella” (2021) is a travesty. A high school drama club with a budget less than my textbook costs for this semester could have created a better production of “Cinderella.” Instead, this movie tells the classic tale of “Cinderella” with a saccharine-sweet attempt at a feminist agenda. Camilla Cabello stars as Cinderella, which, in my opinion, dear reader, was a worse fit than Russel Crowe in “Les Misérables.”
The positive aspects of this movie were the ensemble and the costumes. In theater, especially in “Cinderella,” an ensemble can make or break a show. I hope that the production set had a chiropractor for the jazz band and the dancers. I fear that their backs would be sore from having to carry the entire film. The jazz instruments were clean and crisp. The dancers did their absolute best with the choreography they got. In some scenes, the costumes seemed to have been stolen from a high school dressing room. In other scenes, the dresses would have served as a mediocre Met Gala outfit.
Camilla Cabello’s performance was average at best and dreadful at worst. The role of Cinderella in theater is traditionally cast for a soprano. It seems this was still the case in the jukebox musical that was “Cinderella” (2021). There were points where I could almost hear the vocal nodules forming on the poor woman’s vocal cords. There is also a lack of acting coaching for Cabello. It seems that her comedy training came from the old app Vine.
As I have mentioned, dear reader, I have participated in theater. This has given me the ability to sit through and, at times, enjoy atrocious productions. My production had a Prince Charming whose voice was so flat, I could’ve been able to stack a Jenga tower on it. Bad productions are forgivable and entertaining when one is in the right mood. What I cannot forgive, dear reader, is fake feminism.
Throughout the entire film, we are force-fed the idea that seamstresses don’t exist. Instead, the entire town seems to be run by males. It is thrust on the viewer over and over again about the unfairness of being a female. The problem is not the message. The problem is in how the message gets portrayed. Throughout the film, there are many jokes centered around the mistreatment of women. I believed that we as a society could move on from Buzzfeed feminism. But, dear reader, apparently I was wrong.
If you are looking for a movie to put on in the background or a movie that does not take much brain power to comprehend, you will love “Cinderella” (2021). However, if you want a good “Cinderella” live-action, watch “Ella Enchanted” or “Cinderella” (2015). I, personally, will never be watching this film again.