You’re Lonely and That’s Okay

Making peace with loneliness in college

By Anna Aquino

And suddenly I was standing there in Coffman, wanting to hang out with someone, and I didn't know who I could call. I didn't know who was free or who would say yes or who actually liked spending time with me. I scrolled through my short list of contacts, and some of my guy friends’ names caught my eye. But I wondered if hitting them up would send a message I didn’t intend. Why was wanting to spend time with someone suddenly so mentally taxing? 

I've only known these people, as lovely as they are, for five months at most. The trust just isn't there yet. I’ve known my friends from home for at least five years; I know what to expect from them—good or bad. But here, even with the people I want to label as “keepers,” I still wonder how and when they're going to get sick of me, or which vulnerable moment is going to send them running, and vice versa. 

It makes me hesitant to actually click on any of those contacts. Loneliness is often hypocritical in this way; we feel frustrated that no one is reaching out to us, but we also are not taking that risk of a “hey, are you free tonight?” text. In sending the text, we release our control and leave room for rejection. That level of comfort we are looking for, that friend-from-home familiarity, will never be achieved amidst all this hesitation. But that’s okay.

Your loneliness does not make you alien or weird. Bouts of loneliness are inevitable in any transitional period of life—college included.  Everyone is feeling a little out of place, a little lonely, a little short on hugs. So reach out to people without reservations, without fear of being clingy or too forward. Rather than fearing distance and loss, focus on love and connection.