Unpacking Internalized Misogyny

A lesson in feminine strength 

By Madeleine Ware

Misogyny is everywhere. It’s shouted at frat parties and hides in unwelcome stares. But, whether you notice it or not, it’s also in your disappointment when you step on the scale, or in your thoughts as you privately judge your friend for the number of men she’s slept with. Internalized misogyny, otherwise known as sexist behaviors and attitudes taken on by women, is hard to avoid in a society that pressures women to constantly compete for male attention. 

We are all familiar with the “not like other girls” personality trope. In movies, you may know her as the mechanic who sexily leans over the hood of a car while explaining complex engine functions. These media tropes, ultimately, are all about male fantasy, and as much as women feel that we can look through the sexist messaging, we might sometimes overlook the possibility that these tropes live inside of us as well. 

I, like so many others in middle school, tried to shield my insecurities about not being popular by hanging around boys, even when it meant they were talking about girls like they were objects. If I made myself likable to boys, I reasoned, I had more attention from them than the popular girls would ever get, even if it meant allowing myself to be minimized as a woman.

What I didn’t realize until later, however, was that by labeling myself as superior in some way to the “popular girls,” I was only enforcing the stereotype that girls are all alike and that they’re incapable of having complex thoughts and ambitions. Not only that, I was disowning the parts of me that were inherently feminine. Denying someone else’s feminine strength should never be an option. Be empathetic. Be kind. Embrace the femininity in yourself. And embrace the femininity in others.