How to (Respectfully) Give Up on Your Dream

What I wish I knew six years ago

By Katie Wermus

We’re taught to never give up on our dreams. But what if our dreams aren’t relevant to us any more? What if, when we get more information, we decide that a dream is no longer worth pursuing? Let me save you from the heartbreak and financial mistakes I made when discovering and accepting the path I had for myself was nothing like I thought it would be.

I was certain that I wanted to study marine biology and eventually attend veterinary school. It was the dream I’d had since childhood and the only career I’d ever considered doing. The lifestyle and ideas I had for myself in this career dictated every important decision I made. I convinced myself that the frustration and tears from the major would be worth it in the end. But I was ignoring the beginnings of a gut feeling that perhaps this path wasn’t right for me.

When it came to the classes, I failed miserably. I enjoyed the lab work and the hands-on experience, but the lectures were impossibly hard to follow. I retook the classes twice, and each time my passion for biology dwindled. I was put on academic probation and ultimately transferred out of North Dakota State University after my freshman year. The only classes I didn’t hate or fail were writing classes. I should have taken the hint, but fear and stubbornness kept me fixed to this idea I had for my life. It took a significant toll on my mental health and emotional well-being. I was deeply unhappy with the direction I was heading in—unmotivated, constantly stressed, and distraught over the realization that I was failing at my dream.

 I was living in denial of what I knew to be true: I needed to let go of the career I had dreamt of my whole life. In truth, I liked the idea of the job more than the job itself. The ironic part? I was terrified by the ocean and I hated boats. When I first entered the water, I froze. All I could think of was the infinite oceanic abyss that lay below me. I should have realized right then and there that if I wasn’t excited or happy about it, I needed to move on. But instead, I leaned further into the discomfort and moved to Florida. I spend the next two years at Eastern Florida State College trying to force myself into the mold of the marine biologist that I had always dreamed of becoming.

Ultimately, destiny took over. My tipping point was when I had sinus surgery and was no longer allowed to deep-sea dive, a critical part of marine biology research. Around the same time, a friend told me you needed a Divemaster and doctorate degree to be considered for a basic job with a starting salary of 40 grand. Did I really want to waste eight years on something I hated because of an idea I had attached my identity to? I had been telling everyone I wanted to become a marine biologist, and they were fascinated. Their encouragement to pursue the job was downright addicting. But I knew deep down that I didn’t actually want to do it.

I had an idea of what I wanted to do, but I was scared. Writing was the only thing I excelled at academically. Yet for some reason, I wasn’t allowing myself to follow that path. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone, but I realized I needed to choose what I knew was right for me instead of what others believed was best. After two years in Florida of chasing a dream I knew I no longer wanted, I moved back to Minnesota and applied to the Hubbard School of Journalism at the University of Minnesota. It was the best decision I’ve ever made.

Let me save you six years of your life and extra student loan debt. Sometimes our dreams come from falling in love with a false idea of what a career looks like, not the reality of that career. When you realize it isn’t what you thought it would be and you’re not happy, change it. It’s okay when a dream is not yours anymore, and your imagination didn’t live up to the reality. At the end of the day, all you have is you. Are you truly happy with what you're doing, or are you doing it for someone else?