Why Is Marriage?

Looking for a happily ever after

By Tosin Faseemo

One day, I logged into Facebook to see what my friends were up to. I scrolled and scrolled, feeling bored but mildly entertained. Pictures of puppies and angry responses to the pandemic filled my screen. One post, however, stopped me in my tracks. It was a photo of a friend from high school at her wedding. “Just married!” the post read. A photo of a smiling couple, surrounded by flowers and family members, stared me in the face. I blinked and rubbed my bloodshot eyes, but the image remained, and it hit me: this was really happening. Shocked and confused, I immediately texted my best friend. After a few minutes of deliberation, we agreed that it was unexpected—but lovely—to see someone from our high school falling in love.

Later that week, I found out that another couple at a former workplace was also getting married. At this point, I began to worry. ”Should I be getting married?” I thought to myself. I began to feel like the only single person on the planet. 

Fortunately, this isn’t the case. There are plenty of fish in the sea waiting for me to catch them when I’m ready to settle down. In fact, there’s a record number of single young people these days. According to the Pew Research Center, millennials are less likely than previous generations to be married. And many of those who are partnered have opted to cohabitate instead of getting married. 

In discussing the topic of marriage, it’s important to consider the origins of the practice. According to the BBC, for the Anglo-Saxons, marriage was a way to “establish diplomatic and trade ties.” Looking back, it seems that our ideas of marriage were based in security and practicality. The effects of this still linger: marriage is a legal decision that ties your finances to another individual—an interpersonal business deal designed to ensure safety.

Along with the institution of marriage comes the tradition of weddings. Weddings can be a huge source of stress for couples who decide to tie the knot. An article from Business Insider states that almost a third of US couples go into debt to fund their weddings. This shows how weddings can be a detriment to one’s relationship. Weddings are often a cause of arguments between couples, especially when family gets involved. Just think back to the cult classic film “My Big Fat Greek Wedding.” Family members can get hung up on the minute details of weddings, leading to nuptial distress for couples.

Weddings aside, marriage is a huge commitment for which many people wait a long time. For some, the solution is to opt out of marriage entirely. People who choose to stay single for life often do so for religious reasons. Take the example of Catholic nuns, who stay celibate after making a vow of marriage to God. One could argue that this is a unique type of marriage, in which one enters into a relationship with a deity. Still, this life path is viewed as an extreme to most people.

But the question remains: Should I be thinking about getting married? The research says maybe not. According to the CDC, about half of all marriages end in divorce in the United States. Marriage is a lot of work, and to be successful, it requires two mature adults with good communication skills. Even then, a couple can still find themselves fighting over things like finances or childcare. This is even more true when it comes to poor couples. A bad financial situation can take any couple from deeply in love to deeply in debt.

Marriage is a huge commitment, even for the most dedicated couples. It can be stressful, frustrating, and for many, it simply doesn’t work out. At the same time, people are realizing that they can live full lives—partnered or unpartnered—without entering the institution of marriage. What was once a compulsory stage of adulthood is becoming a life path that people can decide upon. Instead of “When should I get married?” the critical question becomes “Do I even want to?”