Duality of Chronic Illness in College

My experience with the ups and downs of pain

By: Gracie Kibort

Far more often than you’d think, I’ve been told these are “the best years of my life” for the past five or so years. Some people chalk up high school and college to being the best versions of themselves: youthful, untroubled, exuberant, etc. I feel, however, that for people with mental or physical illnesses, this is a load of sh*t. If this is the best it gets, how bad are the next years going to get?

I’ve been dealing with chronic illness since the age of 16. What many people don’t tell you about being diagnosed so early in life is the mental toll accompanying the physical changes. I was 16, dreaming about all of the adventures I would take, the foods I was going to eat, the places I would see, but my body had other plans. Alas, the clouds arrived and covered the sun of my teenage dreams. My world became grim as I mourned the loss of what my life would’ve looked like, forfeiting the vibrancy I was told young adulthood would bring. The forecast predicted storms ahead for the foreseeable future. 

Clouds, as they always do, rolled along and rearranged at a nearly unbearable pace. My college years have been inconsistent with the dreams I once had. However, the hours spent in bed huddled with my heating pad are followed by mornings of laughter and gluten-free waffles drenched in whipped cream. Supreme exhaustion and nights spent on the bathroom floor contrast with living room evenings of karaoke and spilled wine. 

I have plenty to be grateful for, including my health. By this point in my life, there are plenty of adventures I’ve taken, foods I’ve eaten, and places I’ve seen. As it turns out, the best years of my life have come with baggage too.