ASK THE WAKE

We asked you for your most pressing questions.

Whether it be roommate, relationship, or life problems,

The Wake is here to help!

My roommate likes to make 5:30 a.m. protein smoothies (in the loudest blender in the world) every morning and does not understand how this is a problem 

  • Get a louder blender and make your smoothie at 5:00 a.m.

    • The first step in resolving roommate conflict should always be asserting dominance in the most petty way possible. In your situation, I suggest one-upping them with a ridiculously loud industrial-strength blender and a 4:45 a.m. alarm. This may be an expensive path to revenge, but the chance to serve up a fruit-flavored taste of their own medicine is priceless.

  • Fake a letter from the landlord

    • Choose this method if you don’t want to create any animosity between yourself and your roommate. The Wake staff has put together a template for you to make this process easier:

“My dear tenant  <roommate’s name>,

This is your landlord <landlord’s name>. I have been implored by your neighbors to write this letter to you about the cacophony emanating from your quarters before firstlight. I believe this wild caterwauling is the product of a loud piece of machinery called the blender being put to use to make protein-rich slush. 

You see my dear tenant, your neighbors are enjoying a peaceful night of rest during this hour and an eruption of noise from your scullery very annoyingly disrupts their sleep. 

I urge you to halt this ritual at once. If I receive more complaints, your possessions, including the blender, will be moved out of my property awaiting their next home. 

Best Wishes,

<landlord’s name>

  • In the case of an emergency, ask them to make it the night before

This method is the absolute last resort and should be approached cautiously. If executed incorrectly, you will face a dreaded “awkward silence” reply, or—even worse—they will apologize or feel bad for ruining your sleeping schedule. Whatever chaos ensues, be warned that this method is almost foolproof in solving your issue.

Q: I’m very single and very irritated about it, help!!!!! 

Well my friend, so are we. 

We could tell you to get on the dating apps and look for hot singles in your area (or if you’re like us, look for hot singles NOT in your area and then just be sad that they’re perfect for you and 1000s of miles away) but here are some other things you can try.

Come to wake pitch meetings!

You can meet people with common interests by going to events, clubs, and gatherings for things that you like and are passionate about—including The Wake. We’re all single and artsy, what’s more to want? 

Put yourself out there; ask them out!

You’re not going to want to hear it, but the best thing could be to simply take matters into your own hands. Ask the cute guy in class if he wants to grab coffee and study. You can also start the conversation subtly and feel it out. Drop compliments when you like their fits, ask how their day or semester is going, talk about things you’re passionate about—whatever is on your heart and mind. 

Self Love 

It is better to be single and “on your own” than forcing a relationship that isn’t right for you. Keep putting yourself out there and being yourself and things will come with time (or so I am told). Remember how much you have to offer and that there are so many people out there who would be so lucky to have an ounce of your time. 

You got this friend. Love, the Wake

Q: How Do I Make Time for Friends When I’m so Busy With Work and School?

I adore my friends. Some live near, some far, but I’m not one to shy away from a long-distance friendship (LDF, if you will). That being said, I also adore being busy, so I waver, like a chicken with its head cut off, without my trusty Google Calendar—that’s where you begin. 

Every Sunday, amid bites of hangover pizza, reach the person you’re missing by text with a rough draft of your schedule for the week and ask for theirs in return. In those meager, probably microscopic moments between classes and shifts—send a call or shoot a text. There’s downtime spent on transportation that is wasted on social media. Reposition your spare minutes. For those nearer to your vicinity, try to pencil in an hour or so to grab a coffee or a ‘study break.’ College is hectic, and you’re probably drained. Spending even 30 minutes with that special someone will fill your cup, helping you transcend at work, school, and in-between. 

In the grand scheme of Zoom meetings and group projects, take a moment to reflect on who makes you feel like the baddest version of yourself. Juggling life is demanding, and you’ll feel better once you prioritize who you’d prefer sticks around. “Distance makes the heart grow fonder” can be true, but it’s oversimplified. Listen to your inner therapist and set those boundaries, for there is no point in juggling if you cannot also clown around. Leave the poor connection for FaceTime. 

Wake Mag