The Art of Being Alone
Solitude is not as scary as it seems– it can be rewarding and healthy.
By Lennon Gray with art by Sana Ikramuddin
Learning how to be alone is such a valuable and precious thing. It comes with growing pains, of course, given that as we get older we spend more and more time alone. There’s a natural fear of being alone. You might be unsure what to do with yourself and fear your thoughts might consume you whole. Constant solitude is often to your detriment, but occasional solitude gives you time to get to know yourself. You get time to process your emotions, self-regulate, and do self-care. When you actively choose to have time alone, you have the space to appreciate the mental and social benefits. Being alone does not necessarily equate to being lonely, especially if you purposefully set time aside for yourself. Having this time to recharge is vital to avoiding stress and burnout, as well as learning to be comfortable in your own company and better handle negative emotions.
It can be difficult to not feel lonely in your solitude– when you rely on others to enrich the experiences of life. We are undeniably social creatures, and total deprivation of social contact with others has extremely negative impacts on mental health. I am not advocating for total solitude and no socialization. It is equally as harmful to be entirely dependent on interactions with others. There are times when people will be unavailable, and you will have to learn to be alone. Focusing on the fact you are alone and cannot be with others will make this time feel worse than it is when it is in fact a great time to invest in yourself. Take time to do things you enjoy, engage in self care, and take yourself on small trips! The more you do this, the more you’ll value your time alone.
It’s also relieving when you feel you must put on a show for others– you can be completely yourself. You’re not being judged, and you can do anything that brings you happiness without discomfort. You can let your mind wander aimlessly, and despite how intimidating that may sound, you may stumble upon new ideas, create art, write poetry, and so on. It’s exhausting to constantly perform, so let your mind and body be free for a bit every now and then.
Additionally, most restful and self-care activities occur when you are alone, and doing these activities with others might hinder just how restful they can be. The more you value this time, the more you prioritize your needs rather than putting them aside at your own expense for the sake of others. Having no obligations and nobody to impress is incredibly freeing. You can also be more picky with who you spend time with when you’re not alone. You can take time to reevaluate who you feel comfortable with. You get better at establishing healthy boundaries and become more emotionally mature because you value your time more.
You don’t have to feel completely comfortable spending time alone overnight, but it is something you should try. Even if it’s small steps like spending time alone studying in a coffee shop to eventually seeing a movie or spending a night alone, you’ll eventually get there. It’s hard to get started, but try planning something for yourself to dip your toes in the water. You'll be better off for it– more productive, relaxed, and happier.
I used to dread time spent alone. I would call friends to fill up the space and do anything to take my mind off of my loneliness. I would fill my schedule with plans just to avoid the feeling. But, I realized I was avoiding a bigger problem– I wasn’t taking care of myself mentally, emotionally, or physically when I needed to. Now, I value my alone time immensely. I always set aside nights that are just for myself, so I can reflect, finish some chores, follow my creative pursuits, and sometimes just sleep. The more I valued this time, the more I craved it. I, of course, love people, but I need this time to recharge. Time alone is not something to fear; rather, it is something to hold near and dear to your heart.