Lives to Be Lived

With a million possibilities for how your life could unfold, how can you not be consumed with indecision?

By Devna Panda

Sylvia Plath once famously likened her life to a fig tree branching out before her, the branches symbolizing all of the many ways in which her life might unravel. She went on to reveal how the sheer weight of the decision, of choosing but one of these avenues, overwhelmed her with dread and indecision. When I first came across this analogy, I could hardly believe how much I identified with it. How can one possibly make the decision of which life to live when there are millions of lives to choose from?

The purpose of college is to decide which path we want to pursue. It is only too easy to compare ourselves to others when we see all of the options folding out in front of us. As I solve problems related to drug diffusion and degradation and learn how biological systems can be represented, I watch friends design new products, work publishing internships, and have heated discussions about the mechanism of rhodopsin. When I hear about the disciplines that others have chosen to immerse themselves in, I can almost feel my conviction in my own choices being diluted.

Moreover, when I consider all of the different adventures I want to experience, the acute awareness of how quickly time passes permeates my being. Do I spend my twenties participating in La Tomatina in Buñol and exploring the Himalayan foothills in Darjeeling or completing my medical residency? Do I enlist in the Peace Corps immediately after college or work in industry in a conventional job? This tendency to oscillate between two choices pervades every sphere of my life: should I grab the strawberry or peach flavored Chobani from the fridge? What will each one inherently say about me? As I settle on a choice, I feel a sense of loss, the other possibilities slipping through my fingers.

And yet, ultimately, I have found that the frustration caused by thoroughly deliberating each option often brings more pain than the act of simply making an instinctive decision. Perhaps then, the kindest thing I can do for myself is to try to live with reassurance– my life will unfold as it should and as it must. The choices I make will serve and fulfill me because I am the one who made them.