Call Your Grandparents
Devna Panda
My parents often remind my sister and I of our family's roots in rural India, in villages where agriculture was the most common livelihood and infrastructure was limited. My grandparents attended primary school in schoolhouses with mud walls and straw roofs, walking several kilometers daily and sitting on mats woven from palm tree leaves. In an environment where education was secondary to agricultural work, my grandfathers demonstrated extraordinary grit in carving out opportunities for themselves.
Both of my grandmothers, however, did not have the chance to gain an education beyond sixth grade; they were married by the age that many of us were learning algebra. When I hear my grandma speak wistfully about her love for Bengali literature or how quick she had been with her multiplication tables, I feel profoundly grateful for the privilege I have. My grandparents' sacrifices allowed my parents to grow up in more urban settings, eventually immigrating to the United States, where I used an iPad and discussed American pop culture with my friends in elementary school.
When I was a kid and my grandparents would visit from Kolkata over the summers, my grandpa would often play hide and seek with my sister and I, always quick to laugh at a joke or join in all things fun. On these trips, my grandma, although equipped with a no-nonsense mindset, was very willing to demonstrate her love for us: by whipping up some Maggi for us or chopping okra for our dinner.
As my grandma’s dementia worsened in the last five years, she became more detached from the activities she had once enjoyed engaging in, such as reading and cooking. As a result, my grandpa has grown more serious, more preoccupied with his own thoughts, even when in the company of other people. As I have become an adult, my grandparents, too, have become older; this is not a reality that is easy to acknowledge.
Since our grandparents may have a more routine lifestyle at this stage, where feeling disconnected becomes incredibly possible, it is even more important to check in with them and keep them updated about our lives to facilitate those feelings of connection for them.
Yet, this discussion also necessitates the question of why getting older has such a negative perception. Our society is so terrified of aging because older people often have the reputation of being unable to do certain things due to their age. We do not want to limit ourselves and our capabilities from what they are now. And yet, while this may be true in some situations, this realization needs to serve as further fuel to engage and involve our loved ones in our lives as much as possible, especially if we do not see them regularly. Instead of associating old age with incapability, we must associate it with wisdom and experience, seeking the advice of our elderly loved ones often and keeping them engaged in our lives.
In short, for those of us who don't have the fortune of living near much of our family, call your grandparents. Ask them to tell you stories of their childhoods and reflect on how much your upbringings varied. Consider that before she was your grandmother or your mom’s mother, your grandma was once experiencing girlhood for the first time, as you are now. In the midst of our busy lives, we forget to prioritize those whose love for us is unconditional. Remember that your grandparents are thinking of you quite often, and they have so much love and wisdom to share. Do yourself a favor, and show them you are thinking of them too.