Conspiracy Theories are Conspiracies

People who believe in conspiracy theories probably aren’t real

LYN QUINTANA

Think of the absolute craziest conspiracy theory you’ve heard of. How crazy was it? Who believed in it? Was it someone you expected to believe in something like that, or was it totally out of left field for them?

I knew a girl in high school who believed that pigeons weren’t real and were actually government drones made to survey us. This was the smartest student in our grade and she graduated as the valedictorian. She later dropped out of Biology to major in Marketing. I know a guy who believes in alien conspiracies and lizard people, he’s now bald. Conspiracy: were these things consequences of believing in conspiracy theories or simply coincidences? Think about it! Was the government trying to silence them?

Did NASA stop exploring the ocean because they discovered a terrifying secret? Were mythological gods actually aliens visiting us? Did Paul McCartney actually die in 1969 and get replaced by a clone? Did Stephen King murder John Lennon? These are the conspiracy theories that take us down multiple-hour long rabbit holes, looking through Reddit, watching seven-hour long videos on YouTube, and sleuthing around the internet. And while they sure are fun to learn about, I think they’re all dumb and stupid, BUT also incredibly hilarious. I absolutely adore watching hour-long commentary videos on YouTube discussing the craziest conspiracy theories.

One of my all-time favorite conspiracy theories is that the game “Call of Duty” is a military PSYOP to get recruits for the army. Presenting combat and the army as a cool and edgy experience, it slowly propagandizes young, impressionable gamers to be part of the U.S. war machine.

Remember, the Earth is flat and those who disagree are lizard people. Keep your tinfoil hats on!