What’s in My Bag?

The Dinkytown flat-earther empties out his bag for “The Wake”

By: Kelsey Bolander

“I really try to max out on pockets,” DFE tells “The Wake,” unloading the contents of his cargo backpack. As the area’s ultimate authority on fringe science, packing efficiently for the day can be a challenge. When he’s not educating Dinkytown students on the ice wall, he likes to stay physically active and culturally engaged.

Warm for the Winter 

“Lately, I’ve been making sure to have a light coat on me for those days when the sun drifts far from Minnesota in its orbit around the Earth.”

High Marks

“I always make sure to have extra sharpies on me for my signs. I am first and foremost an educator. What good would I be doing standing out here if I can’t keep my writing dark and my slogans current? Things move so quickly in my area of study, I like knowing I can whip up a quick incendiary statement towards Buzz Aldrin on the fly if I need to!”

Light on His Feet?

“Sometimes I pack negatively-charged removable steel toe inserts for my shoes. It’s a well-known fact that a large magnet seven miles under the Earth’s crust is responsible for the ocean’s tides. What people don’t know is that the same magnet can reach up to street level and effect biomagnetics. Your mom telling you to stop dragging your feet? Blame it on the magnets.”

Striking the Right Note

“I can’t go anywhere without headphones. Sometimes the gravity of the world just weighs on me, and the music is a good way to tune it out.”

Sight for Sore Eyes

“It’s nice to have binoculars on me, so I can watch the sun set due to Earth’s rotation. Ha! I joke. I’m actually an amateur bird watcher.”

The views expressed in this article do not reflect the views of the Wake Magazine