Do We Make Our Best Friends in College?
Why do we prioritize friendships at this time of our lives when we have and always will foster meaningful relationships with people?
BY RACHEL HOPPE WITH ART BY NATALIE WILLIAMS
I love my friends. This is probably my most lukewarm take, but it’s true. As the years pass, I continue to become more of a sentimental person. I hold the people I love most close to a chest like a sacred secret. After transitioning into college I made even more friends that I cherish, but that hasn’t changed how important my high school friends are to me.
My high school friend group was very special. There were a lot of us and something was always going on; we were always doing something. We loved each other fiercely. Sure, we weren’t perfect. We got ourselves into our fair share of petty drama, but at the end of the day, we were a family. An odd and dramatic family, but what family isn’t a little odd and dramatic?
I was excited to go to college because throwing myself headfirst into a new environment provided me with the opportunity to meet new people and forge new, sacred bonds. And yet, my first few months of college were quite lonely. I had made a few close friends that I enjoyed spending time with, sure. I just wasn’t used to having a small inner circle instead of a much bigger one.
From talking to those around me I’ve discovered this feeling is not unique to me. The transition to college and making new friends is terrifying and overwhelming. However, there’s this pressure to sort of jump ship on all the friendships you’ve cultivated throughout your entire life for a bunch of new people.
My mom and her college friends have a reunion a couple of times a year. They gather around in one of their living rooms, trading anecdotes and appetizers. Normally when I’m home I sit with them while they reminisce. Because of this, I always had this idea in my head that my college friends would be the only ones that mattered. Since actually going to college, it’s become apparent to me that this isn’t exactly the case; it doesn’t matter when you meet someone. If they mean something to you, that sentiment will keep ringing true. When you’ve reached middle age you can gather in your living room and catch up with anyone you’d like.
Maybe I have a problem with letting go, but this idea of only looking forward to future relationships and leaving old ones in the dust was very painful for me. Meeting new people is one of the most beautiful and important aspects of life; that doesn’t mean that every time you forge a new friendship you have to let go of a different bond that you made in the past.
All this said, I have met incredible people during my first three semesters of college. While it took a bit to find my ground, I have a group of people in my corner that make me feel loved and supported in every capacity. I have made so many of my favorite memories with them, and it warms my heart to know that we get to experience these very special four years together.
Just because I feel connected to the group of friends I’ve made in college doesn’t mean I want to abandon the friendships I have with those from the past. To me, the idea that we make our best friends in college, and any friends we made before or will make after that will never compare, closes you off from so many meaningful connections. We should not feel the need to close ourselves off from further cultivating specific relationships just because we feel like it’s what society expects of us.
I firmly believe that people come into our lives for a reason. The friends we make throughout our lives were brought into our spaces because they could provide us with the exact life lessons that we need at that moment in time. We should prioritize friendships from the past, present, and future. Constraining ourselves to only prioritize relationships from college closes us off from a myriad of connections that could be fulfilling.
By no means am I saying that the relationships formed in college aren’t important. Simply put, if a friendship is meaningful to you, the time you met them doesn’t matter. You should do everything in your power to foster that connection.