Grill Gracie
Gracie does advice
BY GRACIE KIBORT WITH ART BY NATALIE WILLIAMS
Dear Gracie, I can’t get over my ex. Sincerely, Help!
Help! There is no exact science to this so I’ll keep it short and sweet. Block! Their! A**! Out of sight and out of mind. Self-care goes far beyond face masks and bubble baths. The Lorde and savior, once said, “I light all the candles, cut flowers for all my rooms, I care for myself the way I used to care about you.” Take the energy you’ve dedicated to thinking about your ex, and reallocate it back into your own best interest. Pick up a new hobby or two (my current favorite is knitting!). Scream as loud as you can. Take yourself on the date of your dreams. You will always have you, this a human truth.
Dear Gracie, a person in my life has been struggling with a problem that I don’t relate to. I deeply care about them and want to give them the best possible advice while they experience pain. Sincerely, Befuddled.
Dear Befuddled,
I used to have a friend that was left dumbfounded whenever I presented them with any personal problems. As if on cue, they’d reply “I don’t know what to say.” This is the only unhelpful path you can take with this person you care for. Empathy is a beautiful thing! You have a few options. First, put yourself in their shoes. Think about how you might feel in their scenario, and how you’d like to be comforted. You might gain some perspective this way. Next, shower them with love. Remind them how much you love them, and explain the light they bring to your life... Everyone is different, but a hug, a listening ear, or a shoulder to cry on can go a long way. Empathy can look like a surprise coffee or the simple, yet powerful reply “That f***ing sucks, I’m sorry.” Ask them how you can best guide them through this time. Do they want to be left alone? Distracted? Validated? It can change in an instant so I ask that you stay malleable.
Dear Gracie, I feel guilty for not reaching out to long-term friends as much as I’d like to, despite both being busy and they’re not reaching out very often either. We’ve tried all the normal things like scheduling calls but I just still feel guilty. What do I do? Sincerely, Guilty As Charged.
Dear Guilty as Charged,
Guilt is an emotion that arises from wrongdoing. Have you done something wrong in this scenario? Based on your submission, I don’t think so. Life is really hard, and time passes faster than any of us would like. Keeping in touch with your LDRs is a two-way street. Remember that the next time you feel guilty. Everyone has their priorities and struggles, but they have the choice to reach out to you as well. I also struggle with keeping in touch with loved ones far and near. Every few days, I complete what I like to call a ‘scary hour.’ I’ll set a timer for 60 minutes and get as much done as I possibly can in that time. I usually omit schoolwork from this period, so that usually means doctors' appointments, emails, and responding to texts. Although it may seem ingenuine, the love is still there, but a clock is counting down. If a to-do list isn’t enough, try this instead. Otherwise, stick to the Snapchat videos and voice memos and let yourself off the hook!
Dear Gracie, any advice for balancing commitments and turning down opportunities when already overwhelmed? Sincerely, Engulfed.
Engulfed, I’ve been there. In fact, I’m there right now. Do you feel like you’re thriving or just surviving? Recently, I’ve come to the realization that although I was keeping my head above water and fulfilling the necessary requirements, I was just doing so to check off boxes. I wasn’t completing anything to my full potential and was spread too thin to be proud of my work. Now I’ll ask you another question, what can you do to make your life easier today? I know it can sound exciting to take on a fresh opportunity, but I implore you to ask yourself if you can complete it with grace and compassion, not just because it’s another due date on your calendar.