With Age Comes Wisdom… or is it 10 mg of Donepezil?

A Retort Against The Prospect of “Fossilocracy”

BY JAY WALKER

Lately, we’ve all been treated to some front row seats of Glitch McConnel’s (the world’s first and only walking, talking foreskin) signature episodes of “brain melt,” live on television. With any luck, he’ll be the next to kick the bucket following Diane Frankenstein, who finally croaked after 37 too many botched attempts at reanimation. When it becomes difficult for these crooks to decipher the difference between podiums or pudding cups, it’s clear that our congressional geezers could use a designated nap.

To put things into perspective, in the 117th Congress (Jan. 3, 2021 - Jan. 3, 2023), there were 4 members (Feinstein, Grassley, Inhofe, and Shelby) that are older than chocolate chip cookies (invented in 1938).

Mike Kim, owner of Grubb’s, a pharmacy in D.C. that regularly fills prescriptions for our empire’s most influential lawmakers, has admitted to numerous outlets that many of them are taking dementia medications. I wonder how much the copay for a prescription of Jell-O cups and bingo hall visits would cost. It is a refreshing thought that those who dictate the government’s coin purse may not know what day it is or what the hell is happening around them. All the while, they decide upon a future that isn’t theirs. For Christ’s sake, there’s no way of knowing if these bastards are competent enough to wind their watch or wipe their ass.

Relinquishing power for the good of the country is simply beneath these ancient Devilcrat gargoyles and Rethuglican brutes alike. Take for instance, Ruth Bader Ginsburg clutching onto power for dear life in her final years, which were filled with routine cancer treatments and visits. Rather than retiring under the Obama administration to be replaced by another liberal justice, some sick sense of power lust or hubris led to the position being replaced by whatever Trump-appointed grifter ended up filling the seat. She must have figured she was still able to perform her duties while coughing up phlegm and blood a mile a minute. It led to contributing to the packing of the courts that the conservative wingnuts have been working towards for decades now, the very catalyst for the overturning of Roe v. Wade. The highest accomplishment of neoliberalism is the triumph of fascism.

As for the executive branch, it looks we are once again facing the same two contenders for the presidential race, both of whom resemble bleached piles of dried roast beef, with one hastily spray painted orange.

These decrepit piles of flesh, soon to be worm food, are our country’s worst kept secret, our collective skeletons in the closet, passing off their dirty work as the will of the people. They pass down their elitist decrees and rob as they please from the coinpurse (provided by your tax dollars) to line their pockets and grant benefits to the donors that yank at their puppet strings. They sink their fangs into the reins of power, never let go, and commit horrors beyond comprehension. All on your behalf! How neat! Sorry lil Timmy. You may not want to live in section 8 housing for the rest of your life, but Mama Pelosi needs a new yacht!

The American people deserve a higher caliber of professional liar representing them in the halls of congress. We have politicians mistaking their colleagues across the aisle for figures such as William Shakespeare or Plato, likely people they went to high school with. When the bullshit dial is turned up so harshly, should we not be applying mental acuity tests to members of congress, starting from 65, the average retirement age, and every year following? A diversity of perspectives and voices are the lifeblood of a Democracy. But the current cabal of vampiric wretches read out like a eulogy to the prospect of representative government. It is shameless how these viceroys of greed clutch onto power so desperately with dying breaths as they defile the American public on a daily basis, working solely at the behest of the Villain Von Moneybags of the world. Don’t get it twisted. Every dog has its day, but for many of these elected mutts, days turn into a lifetime of corruption and insider trading. Sooner or later, it’s time we put the damn dog down. For good