Mother-Son Relationships

What are they, where do they stem from, and are they important?

By: Anthony Vystoropski

The Yin and Yang, two halves of a whole. Complementary forces of one another to make each other complete. The same can be compared to the mother-son son relationship, wherein both halves make a whole being their relationship. Let us take a deeper dive into the mother-son relationship and discover more about the phenomenon of Mama’s Boy. People can mock relationships and tease you based on your relationship with your parent, but where does this stem from?

I am sure connotations have already started coming to mind. A negative connotation that is associated with a Mama’s Boy is that he never actually matures into a responsible man. If he decides to get married later in his life, his wife is considered a surrogate mother rather than a partner. The good connotation is that if a man puts his mother on a pedestal and makes her a priority, it can be seen as a positive sign that he respects women. These close-knit relationships and connotations do not come from a particular place but rather comes from a shared experience.

Taking into account these connotations and experiences, let us see what research has shown on the role of mother-son relationships. Harvard’s Grant and Glueck studies have been one of the longest studies of human development and relationships. Both studies have tracked the physical and emotional well-being of two populations, 456 poor men growing up in Boston from 1939-2018 (Grant Study) and 268 male graduates from the classes of 1939-1944 (Glueck Study). Harvard’s Grant and Glueck studies have found three crucial factors. One of them was that men who had “warm” childhood relationships with their mothers earned an average of $87,000 more a year than men whose mothers were seen as uncaring. Another is that men who had poor childhood relationships with their mothers were much more likely to develop dementia as they age. Overall, they had found that late in their professional lives, the men’s boyhood relationships with their mothers — but not with their fathers — were associated with effectiveness at work. These results not only show how much impact a healthy mother-son relationship can have in a man's life, but in turn how much our country misses out on by ignoring it.

Many cultures and countries around the world prize the mother-son relationship, and it is quite shocking in comparison to the negative connotations that America has for its mother-son relationships. Take Italy, for example, where many men live with their mothers and parents until they are in their thirties. According to an Italian website, “The Local,” 67% of Italians between the age of 18 and 34 still live with their parents, with men making up 73% of that total. The term coined “Mammone” (in Italian “Mama's Boy”) is not a negative term like here in America, where the man cannot move on from his mother. On the contrary, it is not that Italian men want to live with their mothers forever; it is that they just do not have the means of a higher paying job to be independent with various financial and price factors in play as to why they still live together.

There is something special about the connection with your mother. True, many can find a special connection with their fathers, but the bond of pregnancy is especially unique. I do understand that some men might have not-so-good connections with their mothers, or mothers themselves might think they do not have any grounds to connect with their sons. Now I am not a psychologist to help and deconstruct relationships, but I would say building a mother-son relationship is a process over all. You did not learn to walk in a day, but you did learn how to crawl first. If you are in a position of wanting to start moving the relationship one way or another, it all depends on your particular situation. If your mom and yourself are close but do not regularly talk, try and find some common ground to connect with one another and spark the conversation. If it is more complex and trauma or societal driven, I suggest the possibility of seeking professional help.