I Am a Collection of Everyone I’ve Ever Known
The people I love have made me who I am
BY RACHEL HOPPE
I’ve always been told that I remind people of my mother. These comparisons go beyond the obvious similarities of our wide brown eyes and general face shape, even though these features definitely contribute to our likeness. I inherited her need to make sure everyone around me is doing well before ever checking in on myself. We share a discomfort with being the center of attention, and yet we both love the arts and strive to be involved in them.
I used to cringe when I would get compared to my mom. My strong urge for a sense of individualism repelled me from ever wanting to be seen as similar to anyone. Now, however, I openly embrace the striking similarities my mother, and I share. My mother is strong, courageous, and very intelligent; it’s an absolute honor to be compared to her.
My mom isn’t the only person who has shaped me into the individual I am today. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a mosaic of all of the people I have ever loved, as attributed to some quotes from Tumblr (which I found on Pinterest because I was never quite edgy enough to be an actual Tumblr user): I collect partial fragments of others’ personalities, configuring them into a picture that resembles myself.
My best friend from high school, Claire, has taught me the vital skills of self-advocacy, especially since I grew up as a person who exists to ensure the well-being of others. Claire has always been someone who looks out for themselves while still caring for others; following Claire’s example has been a huge help on several occasions. Speaking up has been uncomfortable when I feel something is doing me more harm than good; however, doing so has left me in a much better place than I was previously. Watching Claire advocate their needs over the years has normalized putting myself first - something that I will be forever indebted to them for.
My roommate and dear friend Allie gave me her hysterical sense of humor. It’s rare to find Allie and me away from each other, and because of this, I feel as if I’ve adopted a lot of her speaking patterns. No one has ever made me laugh more than Allie has, and every day I strive to make people laugh the way that she does. She’s effortlessly funny with quips that roll off her tongue, so naturally, I can’t tell if she even has to think about her jokes before she says them. I like to think I’ve adopted her comedic style, but nothing will be quite as good as the real thing.
Bella is someone I met in a whirlwind of events, and although we’ve only been friends for a little over a year, I feel as if I’ve known her for a lifetime. She’s the most passionate person I’ve ever met; if she has an idea for a project, she will make it happen. Her drive and passion for art motivate me to take any and all aspirations I have seriously. It’s definitely a skill I’m still trying to develop, but in seeing her pursue the things she loves, I’ve developed the motivation to take my writing seriously. I had never allowed myself to do so in the same way before meeting her.
Anna is a relatively new friend, but her vibrant personality propels me to be unapologetically me regardless of who I’m around. While it may be cheesy, Anna lights up any room she enters with her welcoming aura, leaving anyone that meets her feeling at home. She cares about her friends fiercely, and I’ve tried my best to adopt these traits from her. Historically, I tend to lose myself in large groups of people; however, Anna makes herself heard gracefully and with no hesitation. Day to day, I strive to exist as vibrantly as Anna does.
I don’t see my absorption of others’ traits as something problematic: I take my favorite parts of those I love and configure them in a way that compliments my own traits. I don’t think this is unique to me, either. We are all compelled to pick up the traits of those we love; whether we know it or not, it’s something we all do to some extent. There’s something innately human about loving someone so much that you integrate a part of them into yourself. It’s beautiful. Carrying pieces of those I love in the treasure chest that is my heart keeps me connected to my favorite people in the world. Out of admiration for them all, I arrange the traits I admire into my own being in a way that pushes me to be better and better each day.