Discussing Differences
How do we establish meaningful connections in our community with those who hold systematically different beliefs than we do?
By Nina Raemont
Surprisingly enough, most people don’t enjoy seeing a lesbian declare that her newfound friend is someone who spent his entire political career trying to deligitimize her sexual identity. After Ellen DeGeneres spoke on her daytime television show about her friendship with George Bush, whom she connected with at the Dallas Cowboys’ football game earlier in the month, it seemed as though everyone had an opinion about her little rendezvous with #43.
Was Ellen’s attempt at displaying a message of kindness sincere? Yes. But was it well received? No. Even though the backlash DeGeneres received for her slightly ignorant spiel on how we should all be kind to our fellow war criminals was arguably warranted, people nowadays are less accepting than ever of those who seek common ground with differing individuals. This is partially attributed to the ever present polarization of political parties as well as the underlying social issues how intertwined our politics and our identities have become; and not to mention the media feedback loops within the online forums we place ourselves into. But we can change the ways we engage with people who hold opposing beliefs if the correct conversations are ready to be held.
Because of online filter bubbles, users are directed to information that satisfies their own biases. Not only does this create incohesive information regarding a singular topic, but it also encourages different narratives to be confirmed by those who want to believe in them, causing the idea of an “objective truth” to stray further and further from the conversation. People follow the beliefs of those who agree with their own, which causes a lack of conversation between opposing sides. There is no way that we, as a society, can progress forward and peacefully coexist if we never try to understand someone else’s point of view. With this intention for understanding, it allows a deep desire to see the person for more than the political party they represent. If our conversations progress toward an ultimate disregard for the other’s side, that is when we will lose all sense of objectivity. Facts will become opinions entertained by the deliberator. To be able to know the truth, we must step outside our own understanding and search for something more.
To start off with, we have to be open to these disconcerting conversations that force us to not only consider someone else’s point of view but evaluate our own. We then must see them as more than just the party they represent by considering their fears, faith, and worldview. By characterizing people only as democrats and republicans, we further ourselves from our aligning human values. It doesn’t matter which party you belong to—we all want to feel safe, loved, and accepted. We must be prepared to ask the right questions in search for true understanding and not to establish superiority or condescension. Lastly, we must open ourselves to answers that don’t align with our beliefs in an attempt to make an effort to understand the other side of the story. If we direct our attention towards the ways we are similar and have the discourse to do so, then we can form a strong community of diverse backgrounds and beliefs. We have no obligation to instantly agree with these differing perspectives, but we must intend to understand so amicable relations can be maintained.
The way that one overcomes this nuanced scale of political polarization to achieve a meaningful relationship with someone who holds systematically different beliefs isn’t by rooting for the same football team on a Saturday afternoon. It is done by holding difficult conversations as a conscious effort to understand where the other person is coming from. Too often we surpass this essential step because it is too hard; we aren’t willing to open up and explain ourselves, and the challenge of actually confronting opposing beliefs intimidates us so much so that we do nothing. But nothing in society will ever improve or move forward if all we do is further perpetuate the widening gap between opposing sides. Take the chance, defeat the fear, and have those conversations. Society literally depends upon it.