With a Different Plate, Holidays Might Just Never Be the Same

Getting through the holiday season when you’ve got a different plate

By Ava Kian

It’s a lovely toasty night, the family’s gathered, and joy is in the air. As I walk up the steps of my aunt’s home, I can taste the nostalgia—the memories, the people, the location, nothing has changed… except for the food. I walk towards the enormous dining table overloaded with large platters, expecting a warm welcome. But then I look down at the dinner table and glare at the meat-based meal.

What used to feel like such a wholesome celebration of love and community now only reminds me of death. Being around family who don’t quite understand the source of my sadness only further pushes the divide. The lack of understanding reminds me of how much everything has changed. While we are with the same people, in the same place, with the same memories, everything has changed. 

I’m not one to be ungrateful, but there’s something particularly dreary, an oxymoron one could say, about being gathered around your loved ones only to feel disappointed. I’m excited to share the space and time with family until I realize I can’t share the things that used to bring us joy collectively. I glance at the table again and see a delicious pecan pie, my favorite, but as I gain the courage to pick it up and read the label, I see that the pie contains milk and eggs. I instinctively put it down, remembering the reasons for why I’m vegan. 

It is exceedingly difficult during holidays to be surrounded by people who don’t agree with my food choices—people who think I’m putting animal needs before the needs of family. It’s frustrating to feel I’m constantly offending my aunt because I won’t eat her casserole, but in these times, it’s crucial to remind myself: if I truly love my aunt, I won’t need to prove anything. 

It becomes better over time—trust me. Each holiday season has its struggles, but I can confidently say that each year, my experience has improved. The vegan holidays were rough to be honest. I got force-fed casserole by my aunt and really missed the taste of turkey and gravy. Last year was much better, as my mother and I bonded through creating vegan alternatives. Even with the increased options and accessibility, I still dread having to explain my life choices to each individual member of my family, explaining the ingredients of my food, debating about my health, explaining the reasons for why I’m vegan, and worst of all, confronting people who can’t stop shoving meat in my face. 

I never thought I would feel this way about my family, and for non-holiday days of the year, I really don’t. But the holiday season takes a toll on one’s well being and perseverance of the cause. In this time, it’s easy to forget about the positive impact veganism has on animals, the environment, and health. The debating, arguing, and melancholy surrounding what will never be the same, make it easy to resent being vegan. However, I always urge myself to remember the core values that drive me to stay vegan. Entering the holiday season with clear ideas of why you’ve made particular lifestyle choices keeps your values aligned with the holiday spirit and makes it such that the discomfort will not shake you. 

Let’s not forget that the whole point of family is to have a support system who brings you joy. If they are no longer doing that and instead choose to shame you for your choices, remember your worth and be okay with distancing yourself. For anyone entering a similar situation this holiday season, keep your head up, take time to value your decisions, and honor your brave choices.